I have fallen absolutely in love with a little theater company in Vancouver, Canada, called United Players of Vancouver, and their production of George Bernard Shaw’s You Never Can Tell, will leave you breathless. The production which runs until June 29^th, is directed by Bernard Cuffling and stars the hilarious Missy Cross in the role of Dolly Clandon, Matthew MacCaul as her off the wall brother Philip Clandon, and Richard Strachan as Mr. Crampton. It is however Noel Johansen as Valentine and Claire Lindsay as Gloria Clandon who capture our hearts. You will laugh, you will hold your breath, and you will quietly encourage one or the other of these characters, as Valentine courts Gloria.

Before we go any further in our discussion of this production, we must tip our hat to Costume Designer Sandi McDonald who made it very easy for the audience to take a step into England, in the year 1896. My words cannot adequately paint a picture for you of the beautiful dresses, blouses and jackets that were worn by the women, and in particular Andreé Karas  as Mrs. Lanfrey Clandon, the matriarch of this rather unusual trio of children, her daughter Gloria (Claire Lindsay) and Missy Cross’s Dolly. Heck, if I was a woman, I would have tried to talk them out of one of their parasols. Concerning the costumes, no details were spared, not even for supporting roles such as the maid’s (Lara Isaacson) costume.  One always assumes that the men are easier to dress, but we should not overlook the fact that Paul Ferancik’s butler, Dick Pugh’s Fergus McComas and the rest of the men in this play appeared in fine nineteenth century clothing.  Sandi McDonald, we may not have seen you, as this play unfolded before us, but you should know, that you are one of the stars of You Never Can Tell.

Now, before we return to the acting, we should compliment some of the other members of the production team, John R. Taylor who produced a fabulous seaside hotel experience for us, Elliot Vaughan whose sound design was so subtle that you completely forgot it was manufactured. In fact, at one point I found myself wishing those seagulls outside would be quiet, before I realized that they were in the background, only because Taylor had put them there. Stage Manager, Scott Owens and Todd Parker on properties, ensured that the transitions were smooth and the props believable.

To say that the Clandon family is dysfunctional would be a gigantic understatement, and to say that a chance meeting with a father who disappeared when the children were young, contributed to even more calamity, would be an accurate statement.

Richard Strachan bears a striking resemblance to Robert Altman and he commands the attention of his audience. His interaction with Dolly, Philip and Gloria is at times boorish, and at others just plain exasperating, as he demands respect as their father, even though he has never been involved in their lives. At times, Crampton appears to delight in exposing what he believes to be shortcomings in his children’s behavior and then has the gall to question what Lanfrey Clandon has been doing, while she raised these now, adult aged offspring.   

Some of the best acting in this play occurs as Strachan and Lindsay dialogue. Her character puts Strachan’s Crampton firmly in his place. Claire Lindsay, in my estimation was the brightest star in You Never Can Tell. First she was refined, almost distant from her emotions as she was being wooed, at other times, as she walked to the very edge of the stage, within mere inches of the audience, she stayed so completely in her character that you were asking yourself, ‘What is Gloria thinking now? What will Gloria do next?’ Lindsay’s eyes, body language and facial expressions, whether she was the main character in a scene or one of the lesser characters, was always dialed into the action and dialogue. Her rejections of Valentine’s (Johansen) advances were authentic and not contrived; while the transformation that begins to take place, as she softens her heart towards him, has you silently encouraging her, ‘Yes, you can do this Gloria.’ There are two unexpected embraces by these two actors, and both will catch you off guard.

In the final act and scenes of You Never Can Tell, there are some fine performances turned in by Tariq Leslie as Walter Bohun and Dick Pugh as Fergus McComas. There are also some valuable lessons to be learned, concerning how we should view our parental heritage and how parents should view their relationships with their children. Listen closely, with an open heart, because these are timeless words of wisdom.

You still have time to take in one of the remaining performances for You Never Can Tell. Book your ticket on line.